Never gonna give you up
by thisispegs
Summary: Luke wants to hear a story about BASEBALL
1. Chapter 1

shut your cunts for a second, yeah?BASEBALL!  
>Once upon a fucking TOUCHDOWN! time, there was a TOUCHDOWN! bloody nice baseball field, you fucking children. BASEBALL!It was not always BASEBALL!USED FOR BASEBALL, BUT SOMETIMES FLORA WOULD ORGANIZE COW ORGIES. and like !Then one evening there was a little boys baseball game and they were alll alone and for some reason the pedophile groundskeeper raped them all tried gro...WHAT...MY LORD. Anyway, they tried group therapy, but one child was especially traumatized and his name was Luke Triton. The groundskeeper, Clive, denied all claimes to raping the children. Anyway. Luke was all traumatized and shit and nobody really cared because Luke was a sore winner and generally a bit of a bitch sometimes. One rainy evening in the therapy room place.. whatever... THUNDER. Luke was telling a completely irrelevant story and the therapist was thinking "o dis bitch". Luke was thinking nothing. THEN.,.. BASEBALL. NO, THEN, the therapist spun around in hisher chair for the first time during all of their sessions.. for like... 6 fucking months. GOD LUKE. You never fucking thought that it was even the tiniest bit weird that HE HAD NEVER SEEEEEN HIS THERAPISTS FACE. He spun around and it was.. DUN DUN dun. CLIVE THE RAPIST! "Well, well, well," said Clive the rapist. "Oh noo," said the helpless Luke. Because he cannot even just get up and walk out of the office because he paId for 3 hours and he'd only been there for half of his time and Luke is a cheap whore."Oohohoh," said Clive for he knew Luke was cheap. He knew. He knew because he had payed for his services many a time before on cold and lonely nights. Clive got up and laughed like a really evil guy on like Batman or some shit. Like the penguin man, does he even laugh? If he does, then that would be Clive's was frozen with fear and his general cheap whore ways. After all, he had worked for 2 weeks like, really hard, to afford that ses sion. Luke you dumb shit. Clive strode over like the classy rapist pimp he is, and then he killed Luke. "OHOHOHOHO," Clive the pimp-ass murdering badass said like a badass. But his glory was cut short... like all good things, it too had to come to an end. "YOU HOE," cried Luke triumphantly, he burst in through the closed window. Which is absurd in so many ways considering they were on the top floor of a one floor building. The building though, in fact, was on the roof of a very very very tall buiding. There was a cat also, but this is insignificant. It said 'meow' in case you were wondering. Luke, though, who was somehow alive was standing in front of a very confused Clive. Clive was very confused indeed. "Wha- how the fuck are you alive? I just killed you dead. See? There you are, on the floor, BLEEDING." Even Clive's mastermind of a mind could not process this epic paradox. "Well you see, Clive dearest." Luke said very sweetly. "I was walking down the street on the morning of this day and as you probably remember, it was a very beautiful morning yes." "Luke, that's very interesting, but that doesn't explain anything you great big twat." Clive spat towards the very giddy Luke, who was eating a rather large pumpkin pie. "So impatient, I swear," said Luke,"I, the one standing right HERE am the real Luke." said the real Luke. "The one bleeding on your floor is my clone. I mean lol. It is not my clone. It's Don Paolo!" There was a silence and all you could hear was the REAL Luke's noisy and moist mouth processing the pumpkin pie pieces. "Don Paolo?" asked Clive the rapist, for he was really confused now. How could it be Don Paolo? Wasn't Don Paolo tied up in his sex cave? Maybe not. "Yes," said Luke, "I told him there would be delicous confusion to be had. And he was ALL OVER IT like an obese child on Christmas." Clive was devastated, he was sure he had finally killed Luke, the object of his admiration and affection and inner turmoil. Clive could not stand how much he loved Luke, so he did what he felt he had to after reading Romeo and Juliet for the third time. It really was true love. But Juliet was a bitch but that's okay because Luke is also. Clive kind of has a thing for female dogs so it's cool. The REAL Luke put on his pumpkin pie parachute and jumped out of the window which he came in. A small tear ran down Clive's cheek. 


	2. Chapter 2

It was a stormy Tuesday afternoon and all Flora could think about were cows. But enough about that cow whore, Flora. And more about the awesome super hero esque LUKE! The last time we heard from Luke, he had jumped out of the really awesome hideout Clive had on top of that really really tall building using his pumpkin pie parachute.  
>"Trololol," said Luke, for he had escaped his possible love interest and rapist. Luke feels that Clive is a bit too obsessed with Romeo and Juliet. He had become even more suspicious when upon arriving at one regural therapy session, his therapist was passed out on the floor with a dagger on the floor next to him.<br>GOD LUKE, HOW DID YOU NOT SEE THAT IT WAS CLIVE AT THIS POINT. Luke, I swear to gottis. I feel bad for laughing at those nuns who gave you to me now when they said they had dropped you on your head at least a dozen times. Anyway. Luke was all happy and stuff like a German tourist in Canada. Then he realized. duh duh duh, that his parachute was not a parachute. It was really just a pumpkin pie. "Luke?" said Luke for no apparent reason. He was falling towards the ground like, really fast. Luckily, there was an ocean to break his fall and SPLASH, Luke fell into it, smiling. All the kings fishes and all the kings men could not put the pumpkin pie back together again. Luke smiled at the fish and the fish smiled at Luke. "Hallo," said one fish that looked a lot like Clive and so much like Clive that Luke cried a single tear. "HALLO," said the handsome but a little bit mentally retarded Luke. He could talk to animals and that's pretty cool I guess. And then Luke had an identity crisis because he thought he was Clive. All of a sudden, Luke swam to the surface, but it's okay because he could hold his breath for a really long time. Luke was secretly an otter. Luke was an otter kind of, okay? So he was at the surface and stuff, and he saw an island not too far away and it was made of dead whale corpses. It kind of smelled, but Luke was used to smelly things.  
>~~~~~ to be continued! <div> 


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